Royalty is my identity. Servanthood is my assignment. Intimacy with God is my life source.
-Bill Johnson, Dreaming with God0 Who I Am
I have a 4 year old and an almost 6 year old (gasp! how did that happen so fast?) and they teach me something new almost every day. They live with such freedom and passion. They have no fear of man. They only want to explore and discover, preferably with mom and dad.
When my babies lay their heads on their pillows at night, they aren’t thinking, “Did I do enough today? Were people impressed with me? Did I do enough to earn my parents love?”
Instead they’re thinking, “Do I feel loved? Did I have fun? Did I spend time with my mom and dad and others that love me?”
What if we kept this kind of childlikeness when we evaluated ourselves at the end of the day? What if instead of mentally adding up all the wins and losses, the successes and failures, the compliments and slights, we asked ourselves, “Did I feel loved today? Did I have fun? Did I spend time with my Dad and others that love me?” What if we measured the success of our day based on relationship, connection, closeness and love?
In an environment like BSSM (the ministry school I’m attending right now), it’s very easy to feel a lot of pressure to change the world, win people to Christ and see signs, wonders and miracles on a regular basis. And although the heart behind it is so good (it is the gospel after all!), for a recovering performance-addict like me, it’s easy to fall back into my old ways. It’s easy to look at my day and feel it was a loss because I didn’t share the gospel with the clerk at the checkout. And I didn’t stop everything and pray for the women with crutches and see her be instantly healed.
Even though I desperately want to see these things, I never want them to become the measure of my success or value as a daughter of God. Maybe as a slave, but not as a daughter.
So instead I’m choosing to evaluate my day as a daughter would. Did I listen to my Dad’s voice? Did I say yes when He asked me to do something? Did I experience His love and affection in a way that filled me up so I could love others?
What about you? How do you measure yourself?
As a slave needing to please and impress God and man?
Or as a loved son or daughter, needing only to hear the voice of your Father and say “yes”?3
In the fall of 2014 I experienced my first panic attack. I was on an airplane waiting to take off from the Toronto airport, on my way home from a conference I’d been speaking at. A weekend that was supposed to be full of fun and connection left me feeling insecure and vulnerable to the lies… Read More17
Walking into the auditorium, my heart pounded with expectation (and some anxiety). Surely when 1100 people sacrifice everything and move their lives across states, countries, even continents, driven by a hunger for more intimacy with God – surely then He will show up. And that’s why we’ve come, not to network or get noticed by the right… Read More1
Back in June, Alex and I travelled down to Redding California to check out Bethel and decide whether or not to move our family down here for 9 months so I could attend Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I was really excited to check out the church on Sunday morning and experience in person what… Read More1
There are about a dozen boxes piled around me, blankets and pillows piled everywhere from the kids fort building this morning, and dirty dishes piled in the sink. Our home is messy and disorganized and kind of uncomfortable right now. Everything’s not in its place and I’m left feeling excited and anxious. In just under 36… Read More0
We sat on the seawall, the city behind us, the ocean in front and her words were soft, yet strong. “Heather, it’s okay to be messy. Sometimes we need to get all the mess out before He can do something beautiful with it. It’s like you’re in a room with shelves along the wall and each shelf is… Read More1
Last summer I had the incredible honour and privilege of writing for and hosting a new TV show for teen girls called Beautiful Unique Girl. After a ton of hard work from the amazing producing and editing team at Square One World Media, the first season will be airing on Hope TV starting this fall! Here… Read More0