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Today it’s Hard to Trust

Last week we attended our first prenatal class.

Six swelling mommas and six proud papas filled a uncomfortably warm room and listened attentively to the instructor – sometimes with excitement in our eyes and sometimes with nervousness.

One couple caught my eye right away.  They sat beside us and somehow seemed like people we could become lifelong friends with.  She was petite and beautiful at 29 weeks and I felt a twinge of jealously at how adorable she looked.  One of those women who doesn’t gain a pound anywhere but that cute, round, basketball belly.  But more than jealousy, I felt the strong urge to be her friend. And when her husband and mine chatted amicably during the break, I started to envision the four of us and our new little ones meeting up regularly for walks in the park.

I looked forward to our class this week, hoping for another chance to connect with this couple and grow our new friendship.

They weren’t there this week.

The beautiful, petite momma went into premature labor on Saturday and twelve minutes after her water broke, gave birth to 1 lb 6 oz baby girl named Mia.

But Mia didn’t make it.

My heart broke hearing the news and tears stung my eyes.  I knew the loss I felt was nothing compared to the gaping hole they must face each new morning. All of those dreams and expectations – gone in an instant.

It’s easy to trust God when things are going well.  But today, as I think of and pray for this special couple, it’s hard.  Fears swirl in my mind as I caress my burgeoning belly and I realize anew how precious and delicate life is.  I want to hold on, to control, to protect, yet I can’t.

Trust is all I have and somehow I know its all I need.

The things most precious to us are most safe in the hands of our loving heavenly Father for He is the creator of life.  He is the giver of all good things.  He is our provider, the beginning and the end.  He knit little Mia together in her momma’s womb and He carried her home.

It doesn’t make sense to me, but I choose to cling to His goodness and trust.

Psalm 73:25-26

“Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

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