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Tired but Grateful

Have a told you about Porter?

He was born on March 3rd, 2008; the son of my co-worker, a fellow teacher, and friend.  Porter loved to smile and giggle, especially at his big sister.  But Porter’s life was cut short. He passed away on August 28th, 2008 at 5 1/2 months old from an immunodeficiency disease.

Reflecting on my post from yesterday, I realize it was unfinished

What it should have said is “I’m tired, but I’m grateful.

In a conversation with Porter’s mom, a few months after his passing, she expressed how hard it was for her to hear other mothers talk about their babies.  And in that conversation she spoke profound words to me, words I’ve promised not to forget.

She said it was so hard to hear moms complain about having to wake up in the middle of the night to feed and comfort their little ones.

I wish I still had the opportunity to cuddle Porter in the middle of the night.  I would give anything to hear him, hold him, rock him one more time.”

So yes, it’s sometimes hard to get up at 1:30am and then again at 2:30am but…

I am so grateful. 

So grateful I can see his sweet little face smiling up at mine.

So grateful I can hear his lusty cries – the cries of a healthy hungry child.

So grateful I can smell his sweet baby skin, pressed up against mine.

So grateful I can stroke his silky skin as he lays in my arms.

So grateful I still have the amazing opportunity to get up in the middle of the night with my boy.

I choose to be thankful.

Not only to honor my friend, but to honor the memory of her little boy Porter.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

-Philippians 4:6

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7 thoughts on “Tired but Grateful

  1. Lovelovelove that photo of you in the chair. So lovely.

    And ps. Your title at the top of the page listing ‘dreamer’ really is inspiring. Not sure why, but thought you should know. 🙂

    xoxo

  2. I couldn`t agree more Heather. It has always bothered me when people complain about sleepless nights. I have had plenty of them myself and, yes, it can be extremely exhausting! BUT, I couldn`t think of a better reason to be getting up at night. Plus, we will get our nights back. This is only a phase, and we may even find ourselves missing it one day…

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