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Never Fails

I don’t have it all together – not even close. 

And lately life has felt so overwhelming.

I love my husband and adore our baby boy, but I’ve been running on fumes.

For awhile things were going so well.  Yes, I was tired from a general lack of sleep, but aren’t all mothers?  Isn’t it just something we deal with because we’re so driven by an intense love for our child?  But what about when we run out of steam?  Does it mean we don’t love enough?  Don’t care enough?

Does it mean I’m a bad mom?

I’m almost to the end of my rope.

You see, I’m just plain exhausted.  Cohen hasn’t been sleeping well for the last few weeks and six hours or less of broken sleep just isn’t cutting it anymore.  I feel helpless.  I daydream about the days when I could sleep for 8 hours or more, uninterrupted.

I get angry and feel like it just isn’t fair.

But I never voice these feelings because even saying it makes me feel like I’ve failed.

Today I cried in the car.

I was driving to Dairy Queen to pick up an ice cream cake for my dads birthday.  I’d left my house with the baby screaming and my husband telling me to go take a little break.  As I drove the song “One Thing Remains” by Jesus Culture was playing and the words burst the dam of emotion that’s been slowly building in me over the past 6 1/2 months.

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I get choked up now just writing the words.

In that moment, as I drove with tears streaming from my tired eyes, the truth of God’s love broke through.  The relevance of His example of a loving parent came and met me exactly where I was at.

  It comforted me. 

It humbled me.

Even when my love fails, HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS.

Even when I give up, HE NEVER GIVES UP ON ME.

Even when my love, and energy, and patience runs out, HIS NEVER RUNS OUT ON ME.

No, I don’t always have what it takes, but I have the one who does.

Oh God, you are my source.  When the needs and demands on me seem to go on and on and on, your love satisfies my weary soul.  Thank you for your unfailing, unending, unchanging love.

“Help me, LORD my God; save me according to your unfailing love.” (Psalm 109:26)

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” (Psalm 143:8)

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10 thoughts on “Never Fails

  1. Oh Heather. I can completely relate. You are NOT a bad mom at all! Sometimes, I don’t think people realize just how beautifully hard it is to be a mother. I know there is a million and one things to do every.single.day but take a day to just spend the day on the couch snuggled up with your little one or a day at the park. Just get away from all the crazy busy demands and have fun & relax.

    We all need it, even God rested.

    “By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.” Genesis 2:2

    Thank you for sharing this. Many hugs sent your way!

  2. Wow Heather…..thanks for posting this!!! Since Elijah was born (8weeks ago) I have felt very overwhelmed….seems as though my tolerance for the rest of the world, mostly my husband, has diminished….mostly because I am using all my energy on our little fellow. The problem is I am so exhausted that my patience is really being tested and I get so upset with myself because I feel angry. I love Elijah to bits and when he cries it breaks my heart, when I look into his beautiful blue eyes…I completely melt….and especially when he gives me a smile….but I do get angry and frustrated when he just seems to cry endlessly or when he wont sleep, etc. I was feeling like thats it ‘I am a bad mom’ as I am losing my patience at points and thought to myself that one day when Elijah is older I’ll look back and wished I would of done a better job! I feel horrible when he is awake and all I do is wish he was asleep so I can get on and do things around the house. Today I stopped myself and thought that I should be enjoying these moments and just play with him while he is awake, as this will be my only chance to watch him learn new things at this age…obviously because they grow so fast… I keep asking God if I’ll ever get through this and if I” be a good mom…..
    Anyways I just wanted to let you know that you are an inspiration and it really encourages me reading your posts!!
    Well have a blessed rest of your weekend!!!
    xx

  3. You are not alone! I think part of the joy of motherhood is the closeness that we are able to feel to God due to the fact that we so often are overwhelmed and at the end of our rope. So many times I have felt that there is just nothing left. I have cried out to God for His help so much more in these past 11 months than I ever have in my life. And each time I need it, He shows up, He fills me up, and He gives me the strength to keep going…even when I feel like I absolutely can’t. He also has gifted me with a husband who also says “just go take a break.” Rest in Him. Continue to lean on His strength. With Him you can do this mama!!! And do it so well!!

  4. I agree! Lack of sleep can be so damaging to both our bodies and our spirits, but God is with us throughout it all and loves us so. Thanks for the honest post. Definitely relatable 🙂

  5. I rarely comment on your blog, Heather, because I feel it’s a space reserved for others, (not relatives!) but…here goes.
    Being real is what God wants us to be – we stumble, we fall down. He already knows this. We struggle through some growing pains of motherhood. He already knows this. We feel overwhelmed and not ourselves. He already knows this. Admitting it to ourselves is the first step to accepting what God already knows and wants to communicate to us. If we can’t acknowledge our struggles, how can He strengthen our weak spots? If we’re fronting, He has no space to move. Speaking the truth is the most liberating part of the human experience because it brings us closer to the Heavenly expert.
    So good on ya.

  6. You hit the nail on the head. . .you really couldn’t of shared your thoughts at a better time! Knowing that your little one is one month younger then my little guy I find I am struggling more now then at the beginning when he was born. You figure we would get used to it by now and accept that we don’t sleep anymore but its just plain hard. To make it tougher for me I also have a 5 year old feisty little girl and two 10 year old pre-teenage boys that I think take my patience from me each day. But each day I some how just find a little more patience and hope for the best. The words and scripture you wrote screamed at me and I now filled with tears wonder how I get by sometimes but I do and its because of my faith and hope for my children and family and strength by God. Thank you for this <3

  7. (((HUGS))) I think we can all relate. My kids sleep through the night but I am still running on fumes, while being frustrated. Worshiping in the car is always a great way to relax. I love my 15 minute drive to work b/c I get some quiet time to worship!

  8. Hey Heather – first of all, how precious it is to me that the Lord has used a song like that to minister to so many people, and it’s even neater to read individual stories about exactly HOW. Your blog is beautiful… I love your photos and can’t wait to read more. Much love to you!

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