I’m in process. As a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter and especially as a mother.
Here’s where I’m coming from.
When Cohen was born it was a huge adjustment. All of a sudden my time was not my own and for me, time is the most valuable resource. I’m not so interested in your money, but I am interested in your time. If you want to make me feel loved, I’d rather you come over for a visit than send me a present in the mail (I’ll still take the present, though).
Part of getting into my groove as a mom was setting up a pretty consistent schedule. Naptime and bedtime have always been sacred in our home, and we’ve worked hard to keep it that way, for our kids and for us. And the time I do have with my children is super important, but I have a tendancy to be distracted while I’m with them. I vascilate between being the super focused, play on the floor and dig in the sand kinda mom, and the I’d rather be doing anything other than making another Lego tower so I’m just gonna fold laundry instead kinda mom.
On the days where I give my children (especially my toddler) pockets of focused attention, things run pretty smoothly. On the days (like today) where I am constantly distracted and working on other things, there are tantrums and tears – and not just from him.
Lately I find myself saying to my husband, “I just want to get a job so I don’t have to be here.” The crazy thing is that a couple of years ago when I was working full time in difficult work environment, I remember saying to a collegue “I just want to get pregnant so I don’t have to work and can stay home.”
So here’s the thing friends, I don’t really know where to go from here. Up until this point I’ve depended so much on our routine of naps and bedtime to stay sane, and in the last three weeks my 28 month old son has stopped napping completely. And to be honest, I’m having a lot of trouble accepting this new reality. The days feel long and I feel frustrated. I love my chidren so much, but I appreciate them more when I have a bit of a break during the day, even just an hour.
Everything within me wants to keep writing and tell you all the solutions I’ve come up with, but I can’t because I don’t have them. For now, I’m just in process.