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for Cohen, on your 1st birthday

I want to write something breathtaking for you, because your first breath took mine away. But I know anything I write won’t fully express the deep love I have for you, my son. A year ago today you came into this world suddenly, no labor, no pain and in many ways your first year has followed suit. No it hasn’t always been perfect, but you’ve been so good to me, baby boy.

Those first few weeks I couldn’t think, didn’t sleep, and hardly knew which end was up. Recovering from a c-section and taking care of a newborn isn’t easy, but you were so sweet and so soft and so mine. Early morning snuggles and quiet afternoon naps with you tucked right in close beside me – those times were magic. And as I realized how EVERY part of my life was lived just to sustain yours, God chipped away a bit more of my selfishness and made me a bit more like Jesus. Oh I have such a long way to go, but I know He’ll continue using you to sharpen me.

Thank you for curing me of my bad-mood-days. Yes, I still get upset and frustrated and sad, but never just “blah”. There’s no time to be blah with you around. And even in my lowest moments, the sweetness of your smile, or your goofy giggle keep me from staying down for very long. I can already see how having you in my world is changing me for the better. You’re teaching me so much every single day!

I love you Cohen Alexander. I love every little stinkin’ thing about you. You are seriously such a sweet boy, so cute and so open to others. You never hold back a smile and you love people without judgement. Yes, you are partial to your mama, but you really do love everyone. You are both relaxed and resilient, stubborn and silly, adaptable and affectionate.

I pray for you often. As I cradle your ever-growing body in my arms at night, I hold you close and whisper truths in your ear, “You’re a good boy. You’re a strong boy. You are chosen and dearly loved. You are the son of a King!” I pray you’ll grow to know and love and follow Jesus. I pray you’ll be a man of mercy and justice. I pray you’ll realize at an early age how big God is and how good his plan for you is.

And when I think about my “big dream” now, I realize it’s you. All along its been you! You are my legacy, what I’ll leave behind when I go from this life to the next. You will be a testimony of how I lived and loved. Pouring into you is one of the highest callings I’ve got. So I’ll do it. And I know I won’t always do it well, or right, or perfectly, but I promise you baby boy, I’ll do it. I’ll give you the best I’ve got – God’s strength in me. His power made perfect in my weakness. His undeserved forgiveness, his patience, his grace.

These words don’t really express it but I hope it’s enough, enough to say I love you.

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9 thoughts on “for Cohen, on your 1st birthday

  1. Wow girl, you did it. You made me cry. This is the most beautiful thing you could have said to your boy, and he’s absolutely going to treasure this one day. I love that little man and I love his mama! XO

  2. Beautifully written. Happy birthday to your sweet little Cohen. He is lucky to have a wonderful momma like you instilling the truths of our mighty Savior.

  3. my favorite part of this post is you telling Cohen that God has chipped away your selfishness and made you a bit more like Jesus as a mother. What a wonderful, God honoring, selfish feeling in the midst of feedings, diaper changes, screaming. Happy birthday to your SWEET boy!

  4. This little man is so cute. Happy Birthday from me too. May God guide his steps!

    This post brought tears into my eyes, Heather. Not sad tears though, they were happy tears and they made me realize some things I might have forgotten over the days…So thank you for being happy and grateful. Through your joy and grace you touched my heart…

    Love,
    Erika

  5. Beautiful! My daughter just had her first baby 6 months ago, a little boy, and the comments you made sound very similar to some of the statements I have heard from her lately. I don’t know which is more amazing, my grandson, or watching my daughter care for him! They are both beautiful, but in completely different ways. I shared your post with her. I’m sure it will touch her heart as it did mine. Your little boy is so blessed to have you for his Momma. Keep up the good work, and God Bless You and your family!

  6. Oh, happy birthday baby boy! And blessings to you, dear mama. This gift of words is beautiful. Isn’t it amazing how such tiny ones teach us, change us, call out the best in us, and shove us desperately to the Throne of Grace? Celebrating with you today. Glad I stopped by from Ann’s.

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